So, I'm taking the advice of my pregnancy app and I want to start blogging my experience. I may even do some videos for YouTube once I have passed the 1st trimester. I'm going to try to go in a logical order, but I'm just going to write and see what happens.
The first time I got pregnant it was very hard in many ways.
1st. I was no where near the mental capacity to handle it
2nd. From the beginning I felt like something wasn't right
3rd. I was sick the whole time
4th. I was spotting/bleeding the whole time. I pretty much had a period for over a month
5th. I was ready for it to be over before the 6th week.
I mean do you see the list? On the 7th week on Labor Day (of all days) I had a miscarriage. I wouldn't say I'm over it. I'm not. It hurts sometimes, but I am much better.
After the miscarriage we waited 2 months per the doctors advice to try again. In my head I thought we would get pregnant like RIGHT then, but no that wasn't the case. That was another mental challenge for me. I thought I was broken or God hated me because I wasn't like the other fertile myrtle's in my family. It took 5 months, and that was after I had listened to a doctor. She said to do it every other day during the fertile period and let the sperm stay in for a while. Gosh darn it, by the grace of God that worked! Honestly, I didn't think it would work, my pessimistic ways were like, "April, you won't be pregnant even if you stand on your head for 2 minutes". haha GEE!
I took a pregnancy test 4/11 which was 5 days prior to my missed period, and of course it as negative. I was so disappointed, but unlike previous negative pregnancy test in the past 4 months I wasn't crying. lol I was okay, I had said it's just God's will that I not be pregnant right now. So I went on my marry way and when my period didn't come on. I was still like, "oh it will come on. It is just a day late."
Two days went by, and BAM! Denial was banished!
I surprised Mason during a Whisper Challenge Tag we were filming for YouTube. So happy I got his reaction on camera! :)
So, how do i feel this time around?
To be honest,
for now anyway lol
I am so thankful to GOD for answering my prayers. I did not want to feel like I did the 1st time around. This time around I feel:
1st. Fine, normal, myself (not like my body has been taken over by an alien from outer space)
2nd. I spotted a tiny bit when I found out I was pregnant and I haven't since. Hopefully that will last
3rd. I'm not SICK!!!!! THANK JESUS
4th. I'm mentally stable!I'm not scared of gaining weight! My diet is under control unlike last time. I'm kicking my pessimism's butt! Optimistic April here I AM!
5th. I'm enjoying, going to enjoy my pregnancy. It doesn't need to be over right now!
I can't wait to see our little one grow! :)
*tear of joy*