Thursday, December 30, 2010

No Guilt...Just Love

So, today. has been very good. I got to actually see my husband! We have what you may say, a long distance relationship....As fun as that may sound it's not the best setup, but as time moves on, we will be united. Then we'll see each others face every single day! Are we ready for that? I think so, but we'll never know until that day arrives!

After a nice session of "married things" we cuddled, watched 8 mile, and now.......I'm blogging while looking hideously atrocious  with my Benoite clay mask and he's playing his latest car racing game on his ps3! Oh the joys of marriage life. His side of the bed and mine. I love it though. I've waited a very long time to be able to stay with him, as long as I wanted without the thoughts of feeling guilty for the pleasure. No more guilt for his skin on my skin, just....peace and genuine love.

As for tomorrow, it will be filled with parting and most likely me getting slizzerd!!! Can't wait. I don't get drunk very often at all!! but the experience once in a while is in away liberating. For me it is like I have no cares and everything is just so damn funny. The downfall is that i freakin fall down a lot., but then again I am under the influence, it's expected. But i have my crutch to lean on when i can't lean on myself aka the catch me when i fall person in my life. And as for the next day, we will be Biloxi, MS bound, for some shopping, some gambling, and probably drunkin "married things".

no guilt though....just love, happiness, and peace. 

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

I'm Sorry for the Rain

mmmm. Cocoa Chex Mix
That stuff in the morning is the best, along with peach flavored oatmeal and water.
So last night my husband said, “You always apologize for stuff I notice. You apologize for stuff that’s not your fault…or anyone’s fault, you would apologize for the rain.”
I can’t help but laugh at myself! I can honestly say, I don’t know why I apologize for stuff that I shouldn’t even say sorry for.
A person: My back hurts.
Me: Well, I’m sorry.
I guess in a way it’s the easy answer out! So that I won’t have to go into deep thought or deep conversation about whatever the other person said. It’s my easy way out of communicating! Do I think it’s some psychological shit in my brain? Not really. I wasn’t brought up in a family that made me say sorry for everything. But! Maybe it stems from some subconscious thoughts that I’m a failure or that I made something happen; so therefore, I need to say sorry for the happenstance.  Maybe that’s my answer: (1) Getting out of communicating and (2) Subconscious thoughts of life failure. Now that I actually think about this, I’m not pleased! That part of me needs a change. I definitely do not want to think of myself as a failure, and I also know for a fact that my communicating skills need improvement. Not my “in general” communicating, but my deep thoughts about a situation or communicating a solution to a problem me and my husband may have. Ha! It sounds like someone is in need of some therapy, but I really do feel with time and continual work ethic I can nip that crap in the bud. I just have to!   
I wonder if anyone else does this and for what reason they do. 

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Ah! Newness of the Year

The New Year is vastly approaching upon me! I am excited to see what it has in store! I’m newly married to the man that gets me more than I get myself, the one that loves me through all my crazy shit, the one that won’t give up on me when I want to drop everything and run away from everything, knowing that life can catch up to my slow ass jog anyway, and he is in plain words sexy as fuck! Haha…I normally don’t say such potty words….oooo shame on me! He is hot to me though.
As I stop digressing, this spectacular 2011 will be interesting to say the least, as the journey though life with my husband begins!
Now, before the New Year gets here, I wonder what I’m going to where on New Years Eve!? Possibly I shall wear nothing at all, if the mood is right. ;-)  

2010: a year in review

Ev"Yan of apricot tea, a prominent blogger, well she is in my eyes because she actually has more than one follower! She did this Year in review in which she got from someone else. I thought this would be a good time to do this.
2010 Has been a wonderful year full of ups downs and merry-go-rounds! I've loved, laughed, cried, and enjoyed the nature around me from coast to coast.

I loved 2010, but it is near the end, so Goodbye dear friend.

  • I started crocheting and knitting again. I created many scarfs, slippers, even boots, and many other things by crocheting and/or knitting them.
  • I started a blog!!! WOWZERS! 
  • I got better and faster at writing for my legal field.

  • I worked out! Though I was not persistent, like many other things in my life...which needs to be nipped in the bud...I did work out off and on this year. 
  • As the 2010 year ends I've been eating not so healthy my weakness cake and Panera Bread pastries!....uhhh it's like sex in your mouth....yum
  • I have been drinking water like a crazy woman. Ive seen an improvement in my skin since drinking more water. 
  • I used more natural products on my face, such as Benoite Clay, castor, grapseed, and hazel nut oil mixture, in which I got from Moptop Maven. Her blog is so informative! I love it!
  • I realized how kind of friendless I am! 
  • My best friend transferred schools, so I don't see her that much. When she was closer I did not take advantage of that fact as often as i should have. But our friendship is still just as strong as it was when I met her 8 years ago. 
  • I realized that I have to be open to others and their views.  
  • I went to Alaska! Alaska was the best thing ever! I went on a cruise with my now husband and his family (mom dad and grannie)in June. On that cruise my hubby proposed to me. ^_^ 
  • I went to Destin, Florida on Mother's Day Weekend with my hubby and his family. 
  • I went to Jacksonville, Florida for Thanksgiving to spend with family I had not seen in a long time! That was the trip that got me in trouble the hubby because I went to a club for the fist time! That was not fun, I've learned I am not a club type girl. Short dresses, I call shirts are not for me! 
  • Money was definitely not too much of an issue.
  • I did buy my driod x at original price! That was not the best idea I've came up with. I was able to afford it, but I could have saved it up. 
  • I saved over 1000 dollars this year, but now it has depleted dew to black Friday, my birthday, and Christmas! 
  • Me and hubby started a club account and have over 1000 in it! Money saves up fast when two heads work as one! 
giving back:
  • I cleaned out my closet twice this year, and I gave it to goodwill. 
  • I fed a homelss man in Pensacola. 
  • I cooked for my inlaws and hubby hahaha....Ok...maybe that's not giving back. 
  • I went natural this year. I cut my hair back in April. It was only 3 inches long. That was the shortest I ever had my hair, EVER! i shocked the hell out of everyone! lol....That was one of the best days of my life. Going natural is like some kind of spiritual awakening. Now my hair is below my collar bone!
  • I began to stop caring so much about what my parents wanted me to do, and what I wanted to do. I'm still going through this process but it has been better
  • I finally went to the doctor or psychologist for depression. I'm now on a "happy pill" and I learned that I'm not that depressed I just have anxiety issues. The "happy pill" has helped the chemicals in my body balance out and that part in my brain that works all my emotions and shit have now been balanced! My hubby doesn't want me to get off them! We'll see. 
  • Jada is back! =sex fien
  • I learned that I need to listen to my hubby better than I do/did. Process.....
  • I got two more wholes in my ear, so now I have a total of six.
  • I got typsy fun....i learned I am a light weight! 
  • I learned that religion sucks, and I don't like using the word religion....eww 
  • Mason and I got into 2 or 3 huge fights. Things got broken, crumpled, and put back together. 
  • I broke up with him due to my fear of marriage and things not being perfect. I know now that is stupid. No one is going to be perfectly how you want them. No Stepford husbands here ladies.  
  • I learned that Mason will never leave me no matter how flawed I am. 
  • I got engaged and married at a nice courthouse. 
  • I'm learning to love that man better each day through the good and bad times
  • Mason is my bestfriend, lover, and husband. 
  • I bought my first car!
  • I did a lot of grownup things on my own
  • I turned 22. 
  • I became obssessed with YouTube and Blogs. ^_^  

Orange Blossom....MMM Really Tasty!

 As I sit here in Starbucks smelling the beautiful aroma of the fresh brewed coffee beans, sipping my own venti iced white chocolate mocha, and see the the white glistening snow staring back at me through the window; I write my dearest thoughts.......HA! ok so maybe I'm fibbing! As cool as that sounds to sit in a starbucks with the latest technology and sip on some iced white chocolate, that's not happening at the moment, and there is definitely no snow on the ground in Alabama.

Office Topic:It's funny how I hate hot coffee, but throw some ice on that bad boy and I'll drink it up like a baby sucking a tit dry! 

On Topic:
Anyway, there’s so much I could say. First, this is going to be my diary….Diary, that is such a weird word, but essentially this is what it is. Perhaps the corner office of my mind. My sporadic mind! Ive been told I think too much! This is true, in my head I go from one extreme to the next, and un-strangely enough it is personified into my life. I want to minimize how much that happens though. It really is not good for the soul. I've seen it happen to others! For example, Mrs or Miss Pelfrey, my teacher for legal writing, alternative dispute resolutions, and legal research. That woman can go from talking about one topic to switching it up in a minute to anther topic, only to find herself not being able to go back to the first topic she was talking about that we, as a class, needed to hear and understand completely in the first place! She is my example of what not to be! Awweee….what not to be! There are so many of what not to do, so many “no’s” in this life. POOH!  Ha! See what I mean, here, there, and everywhere, but hell this is my blog. I'll say what I want in whatever order I want! 

This is my place on the inter-wave where I can express my day, how I feel, and how I look.

MMM: I wonder why at times, it is very easy for me to communicate my deepest thoughts on
“paper” rather than to others. Especially to my best friend, my husband. But that is another topic for another day!
This is the first of I hope many other posts, even if I am or will be talking to myself. It’s like another form of youtube, just I won’t be watching myself over again, I’ll be reading what I write over again.And when I read what I've written I hope to see someone who has LIVED, someone who is HAPPY, and at PEACE.
Maybe my children will see this one day. I think that will be very cool. My swirly babies….hehe….