Wednesday, January 16, 2013

I Don't Know What's Going to Happen

I’m at work, whaling in self-pity. I will post the picture of the day when I get home, plus the subject will be much lighter in weight.

I’m holding back my tears now. Aunt Flow, as some may call it, is due to arrive so of course I’m more emotional. The emotional bit, started over hubby eating all the ice cream. A gallon tub of ice cream bought 6 days ago is gone, and I only got one scoop of it. I yelled through text message and the conversation went a bit like this:

Me: I can’t wait until you get a job, then maybe I can have more than one taste of stuff
Him: meany
Me: fatty (not literally obese)
Him: whatever

He really does need a job, I looked at his bank account, and I just started crying. I don’t know how he’s going to pay for his things he has to pay for, for much longer. I can’t pay for it. I’m already at my limit. The government already plans to raise the taxes more, so I will be bringing home even less money than before. I’m praying when we file taxes that I won’t owe the state money. I’m saving for a down payment on a house, and I don’t want to go into that money. I went to college for this. *sarcasm*

So, I’m stressed. Hubby is at home every day with the dog, doing not much unless I tell/ask him to do stuff. He takes his army courses every now and then. I don’t know how often he looks or applies for anything. When I do ask what he’s done that day, he says he has not looked or not much. So I’m not asking anymore. I don’t know how to encourage him. I try, but I don’t think it helps. I wish I could make someone hire him, but it doesn’t work that way unfortunately.

I don’t know what’s going to happen. I’m thinking of ways to cut back on things. For instance, maybe a phone or there’s a “kitty fund” at work, which employees are supposed to pay $6 a month too. I don’t know how far behind I am on that. I’m thinking about going to my boss to ask her if I cannot pay it, and if the office has a get together, I won’t partake or eat anything that the kitty fund pays for. I won’t expect any card or anything if someone in my family dies and etc. I want to get a nightly part time job, but I will never see my family that way. I’m just scared, I’m really scared.

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