Sunday, February 27, 2011

#58 of 365. My Usual

February 27th/ My Usual 

This is my usual. In my room, at home, with my school books, laptop, and phone. Today was special I suppose because I got two redbox movies to watch while I sit her too.
I've argued with the hubby through text messaging pretty much all day. So I've added that to the mix too.

I am better venting here, to get my thoughts out.
He said, "I bet that if I was still just sitting at home not seeing anyone it wouldn't bother you because it didn't bug you until i starting seeing other people." Well Yes! because he was in the same boat as me, so it was mutual.
It sucks being here by myself more than half the time,while he has no obligations to anything but what he wants to obligate himself to when its not drill weekend. I'm so confined to doing school work, my jobs, and other things. Of course, his simple answer is just do what you want. I can't just do what the fuck I want. I have to work, I have to not make bad grades, I have to be able to stay awake driving at night. He says meet him half way, well that is during the week! I work till 430 or 5 and it takes an hour to get there, plus I drive up there practically everyday for class! I have to be home by10 at the latest because I have to be at work the next day at 7 or 730 am. I'm angry inside. I'm angry and somewhat jealous that he gets to not miss people till it hurts, he gets to do what he wants, he gets to have peer company more than he sees me, he gets to drink it up with his mom and grandmother and friends, while I do what's in the picture. So he says I have hate in my heart about life, well I guess so.
He only has one month left, till he's gone for 6 months. I just wanted to spend as much time as i could. That's proving to not be very easy. I just want to cry.
This week was his week. It was suppose to be our usual Friday through Sunday, I worked so we could go to the movie theater and I even worked my butt of to finish homework and a research paper. I only got one night with him. One night with him and his friends.
He only has a month left with me and only the weekends at that. Being married and still having a long distance relationship is very hard. Maybe if i didn't have to work it would be different.  I don't know.
Can anyone understand me?
I'm not blaming him per say because its the hand that's been dealt. I can't do anything about it, but sometimes it still hurts.

2 comments:

  1. believe it or not, i was in that very same situation. i know how you feel... it sucks but you're not gonna be in school forever... things will get better.

    ReplyDelete

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